


Psycho

by taz_beretta



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Declarations Of Love, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Hospitals, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Muteness, No Smut, Past Abuse, Sad, Self-Harm, Starvation, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Therapy, Triggers, Verbal Abuse, annd, frankisatherapist, iamsorry, itstoofuckingsadthough, oofandiforgottoadd
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-26
Updated: 2019-09-26
Packaged: 2020-10-28 20:40:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20784764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taz_beretta/pseuds/taz_beretta
Summary: Gerard was happy but things like this never end well for him.





	Psycho

**Author's Note:**

> So, this came to life during class like everything else i write and tbh it has become one of my favourites including plenty of my classmates. The trigger warnings are added so please dont turn a blind eye. Please, if you need anyone to talk to i am available. if you do go through this, please dont turn to suicide because everything will get better in time. i love you all

Waking up to a ‘beep, beep, beep’ and needles in your arms is a nightmare to most. A cast adorning your leg or arm, maybe even the shock of stitches to keep your ripped up skin together would send one into a ft of hysterical tears; but those aren’t tears of surprise. You survived, you’re alive and you can carry on with your dreams and aspirations. Obviously psychology and psychiatry would become a big part of your life but at least you can be happy that you’re still breathing, that you don’t have to depart from family and friends.

For Gerard Way, this is not the case – quite the opposite really. When the red headed 32-year-old awoke to the familiar sound of the heart monitor, he started to sob; far from grateful for waking up. Why? What could possibly be the reason that he did not want to open his eyes again? He had a loving family; a wife, a child he adored with his whole heart, Mikey –his brother– that he always stayed in contact with. So why on earth would he cry for being alive? 

The truth was that behind closed doors, life was far from perfect and loving; Gerard’s wife, Lindsey, was abusive. I know what you must be thinking: ‘how could that be possible?’ A female abusing a male could not be possible and should be far from the truth, it simply could not possibly be that. A man can always – and will always – over power a woman. This, however, is the societal views because it would be embarrassing if a man ever had to stand in a court room and say that he is being beaten by his wife. They would laugh, or tell him that he obviously deserved to be hit, that only women and children can be abused. They don’t seem to keep in mind that some of those children are males (not just under the age of 10, their ages going up to 18 where they are still beaten to almost death).

_   
_

_“Why are you crying, daddy?” Little Bandit asked Gerard in complete innocence, only causing more tears to fall from his eyes. His poor daughter didn’t understand what was going on, only knowing that her daddy was full of bruises, though that wasn’t an odd thing for her to see littered across his pale skin._

  


Gerard never thought that he would slip back into such a dark state. The last time Gerard had been this bad was when he was in High school – years of torture that left him itching to take his own life. It wasn’t easy though, to have any sort of emotions in public, so he would pour them all out in the midst of his basement with a blade to his wrist. Oh, the sweet release that the sting brought him, watching utter awe with a grin upon his feature as the thick blood rushed to the surface, creating little bubbles across the line before slowly slipping down his arm. The contrast of the dark red to his pale skin was almost too perfect for him to not admire with his glazed over, hazel eyes. 

He had stopped; gotten rid of the burden of self harm when he was in his last year of college and found himself falling in love with the woman he had married. He had met Lindsey through Mikey’s girlfriend at the time, seemingly clicking instantly because of their shared passion for art. Gerard should’ve known that they would not be happy their entire relationship – he really should have seen the signs from when she had told him to work on his weight, to go on a diet; of course, dieting meaning starving himself. She had said that he was too chubby for her liking.

Lindsey and Gerard were in love though and nothing could stand in their way after being together a total of four long years, therefore, he would do anything she asked of him to keep her smiling. Marriage and a baby girl came along soon after, being the starting part of just ripping Gerard’s world to shreds. Two years after baby Bandit was born, Lindsey was adamant on leaving New Jersey, claiming that there would be more options if they moved to California. Although being reluctant and not wanting to leave his brother or beloved parent behind, Gerard had agreed to her suggestion. It was a hard decision for him. His heart lay in the small town but, his heart also lay with Lindsey. They bought a house in Cali and moved within the month which didn’t help Gerard’s sour mood. He didn’t get to say goodbye.

The man can’t really remember but it was around this time when his wife started refusing to let him put Bandit to sleep or even take her to school (making the little girl question why he didn’t tell her bed time storied any more or how she missed their times singing in the car on the way to school). It was subtle at first but soon came to show that this was all definitely planned out. Lindsey started feeding him his anti-depressants in large amounts along with sleeping pills and alcohol, causing him to break his sober streak. He couldn’t blame her for the happenings; it was he who accepted it even if – again – it started in small amounts slowly increasing. It got the point where she had given him so much that his body would completely shut down, waking up in the hospital sometimes days later. During this time, Gerard had also lost so much weight that his hair was falling out it clamps, bones protruding through his thin skin. 

Mikey was the one that started getting suspicious about how his older brother would land up in hospital so often, or how thin he had become. He had confronted Gerard about it, telling him that Lindsey said he was going crazy. Her story was that Gerard would scream at them for no reason, would hit her and then drink until he passed out. This made the man angry, confused but mostly hurt that his wife would accuse him of such a thing. He would never ever lay a hand on her like that or scream at her. He hated any sort of violence. When he had confronted his wife the reaction was fatal, landing him with a broken ankle and daughterless. The woman had pushed him down the stairs and ran off with Bandit. 

He realized then that he didn’t want to live anymore. His wife didn’t love him, he was forbidden to even look at his daughter, she took away the only form of light in his life and manipulated his brother into thinking he was the whole cause of this problem. At least, that’s what Mikey led him to believe. There was nothing left to live for; he was literally a walking corps. That’s when he had made his decision. He didn’t even have to leave a note because there was absolutely no one that would care to stop by and see if he was okay. 

  


_”Why did you do it, Gee?” The voice of his brother came from beside him, sound as if he had eaten sand paper. It was obvious that he had been crying. Lindsey was there too, she sat silently in the corner. That silence stopped when she slammed papers and a pen on Gerard’s lap with a stone cold glare evident. “Sign the divorce papers. I get full custody over Bandit. Sign it and you won’t see us again, not even for a court session.”_

  


He dragged himself up the stairs after he had made his decision, head pounding from a headache caused when he had hit it on the way down. His left ankle was blue and swollen so he had crawled up instead after he had finally gathered the strength to grab onto the first step, having found that he was still in the same place as he was when he passed out hours before hand. There was blood trickling down his forehead but he ignored it, trying his best not to break down in tears when he found himself struggling to breathe. Once he had finally made it to his bathroom, everything seemed to be spinning and blurred while he dug through the cabinet, choking on sobs. Nobody would care if they walked in and found his body days later._ Nobody would care._ They wouldn’t care if he was dead or how he died, he would just be a corpse. If his own wife couldn’t care then nobody would. With that thought in mind, praying it to be his last thoughts when he had found his sleeping pills and grabbed his razors, smiling a real smile for the first time in years even if it was just a slight tug at the lips. 

He crawled into his bathtub, opening the hot tap with trembling hands and shallow breaths, watching as the bath slowly. The water was scolding and burnt at his skin but he felt no care in the world for it. He was going to die; he should at least have some colour on his skin when they find him dead. Gerard poured the pills into his hands that he couldn’t bear to keep still, dropping some into the water when he shoved them into his mouth and swallowed them dry. It wasn’t the best thing to do as he choked and choked, close to throwing up but he forced them down, lips trembling as more tears fell. He hissed at the burn he felt on his arms but found relief in it because he felt it. He hadn’t been able to feel in a long time.

When his vision started to blur (and not just from the steam that was starting to cloud around the bathroom), he took his razor and lay it over his wrist before breathing out a shaky breath and pressing it down onto his fragile skin. The pain was beautiful, the blood perfect as it mixed with the water that was now overflowing out of the tub and onto the floor. He couldn’t find himself caring about it, his body becoming too weak to even sit up. 

  


_He looked at Lindsey through his blurred vision, feeling a sense of déjà vu sweeping over him when the tears fell. “N-No! She is m-my daughter!” It wasn’t worth it. “You are unstable!” Lindsey seethed, “they refuse for somebody so unstable and abusive to look after her, and so do I.” She had grabbed Gerard’s bandaged wrist, ignoring how he screeched in pain. She shoved the pen in his hand and made him sign his signature before leaving with a 6-year-old that was crying._

  


Gerard couldn’t find the strength to even cry as he felt himself slipping into the scolding tub filled with diluted blood, he surrendered to it all and embraced the coming darkness that surrounded his vision as the water filled his lungs and the pills kicked in. he prayed with all his might that he would never have to wake up again. 

  


***Present Day***

  


“Gerard, how have you been this week?” 

It had been several months since the incident; since Gerard’s wife had divorced him; accused him of abuse; since she took away his only light left in this world. He was in the hospital for weeks after that, they had pumped his stomach, stitched his wrists and operated on his ankle the day he had got there then doctors refused to let him leave, keeping him on suicide watch and until he had enough food in his system. They sent him off to a rehabilitation centre/ mental hospital where he would be kept until he ‘got better’ but he doubted he would ever recover from something so traumatizing. It was alright, his roommate being some guy named Billie who was a recovering heroine addict and had hectic anger issues. Some days he was chatty and other times he would screaming at who ever looked at him, punching the wall instead of a person. He didn’t know why the guy was kind to him though when Gerard had not once spoken a word since Lindsey left – well, Mikey was his only exception. 

Mikey would visit regularly as he had been able to have Gerard transferred to a rehab in New Jersey so that it wasn’t out of his way to go and see how his brother was coping. He would get little whispers from Gerard but it wasn’t anything major, just ‘hellos’ and ‘goodbyes’, sometimes the odd question to get him some more cherry red hair dye when his roots were more noticeable. Mikey would only nod and smile, trying to be strong in front of his brother. Gerard knew he cried for him, seeing the remnants of tears on his cheeks and the red around his eyes, because he blamed himself for not noticing what Lindsey was doing. All his life Gerard had protected him but when it came to his older brother needing it in return, he turned a blind eye. 

As much as Gerard loved his brother’s weekly visits, the only thing that got his heart jumping in excitement was his therapy sessions with Dr Iero. He was young, new to the job and seemed very naïve, his innocence probably being the reason why he felt a little flip in his – otherwise – dormant chest whenever he was in the psychiatrist’s presence. Or maybe it was because the man seemed to care. It could also be his forest doe eyes, his long black hair that made him look younger than what he was. The tattoos that littered the others mans skin was the only thing that showed he was not just a child. At first, Gerard hated knowing that Dr Iero – or Frank, as Gerard was told to call him since he couldn’t help but see Gerard more as a friend than just a patient – had ink covering his skin as it reminded him of his ex wife but he had only become curious now. 

There was a tattoo that had caught his attention, one that resided on the back of the psychiatrist’s right hand. It was a heart, an arrow that had been placed through it as if a cupid had shot it through and right in the middle of the heart was the name ‘Jamia’. Who was Jamia? The question had run through his thoughts for ages and as time progressed, every time he saw the tattoo a spark of jealousy would run through his body, dismissing it as a spark of interest or just completely ignoring it. Now, it was hard to do such a thing because he realized that it definitely was jealousy he was feeling when he couldn’t seem to get the man off his mind. When he merely thought of the psychiatrist, he felt warm bursts of happiness and … love, a feeling stronger than what he had felt when he was with Lindsey. 

“Gerard?” Frank’s soft voice brought Gerard back to reality, his own hazel orbs meeting the concerned ones of his psychologist. 

Instead of responding (which was not unusual), Gerard grabbed Frank’s right hand, the man’s pen falling to the desk at the movement. His eyes were wide in surprise at how forward the redhead was being, knowing how the 32-year-old would be sent into a panic attack if you so much as brushed your fingers on his skin. Gerard on the other hand had almost dropped his psychiatrists hand when he felt as if electricity had rushed through his veins at the contact. 

Frank blinked, stuttering out: “I – uh – what is wrong?” his question was silenced when Gerard had taken a deep breath and found the courage to point at the tattoo. “O-Oh! Um, Jamia?” Frank asked referring to if his patient was asking who the name belonged to, smiling nervously. Gerard nodded, swallowing harshly when he felt the man’s pulse pick up beneath his fingers. A small smile made its way to his face, not wanting the man to feel nervous about it. He watched as Frank’s eyes shifted to his lap, his cheeks flushing at the situation but not moving his hand from his patients grip. 

“Uh, she… we – Jamia –” he cut himself off, letting out a sigh before continuing. “Jamia was my girlfriend but she was also my best friend. God, we were so in love,” he smiled, looking off into the distance as Gerard listened intently, ignoring the ache that he felt in his chest when he watch Frank’s features turned to one of pain. “But she wasn’t strong enough to hold on anymore.”

It dawned on Gerard what the man across from him was about to say and he immediately regretted asking. He didn’t want Frank to tell him something so personal. The man noticed his hesitance but he smiled reassuringly, wanting to get it off his chest because Gerard was willing to listen. “Her father was an abusive alcoholic; beat both her and her mother. She wouldn’t let it get to her, not until he raped her until she was unconscious. It wasn’t the last time; I know that only because of her note. Her own flesh and blood destroyed her and she just, ended it. For so long I blamed myself because I didn’t protect her. I couldn’t save her.” Frank whispered the last part, seemingly lost in his head with his body hunched slightly. 

Gerard let him go, wanting to give him space. He didn’t want to burden him any longer but before he could leave, Frank was up and standing in front of him, hands leaning on the arms of the redheads chair. Frank was now face to face with Gerard, forest eyes looking frantic as they darted around his patients face. “That is why you are the patient I worry about the most. I want to be able to save you, I need to save you! And you just -” 

Gerard’s breath hitched his heart racing in his chest as he heard the psychiatrist’s words. Who would ever want to save him? Why him of all people? But as he kept looking at the man, a feeling so unexplainable washed over him, tears making its way to his eyes when he realized what it was when everything around them became nonexistent. 

“-I don’t even know why but I have this nagging feeling in my chest whenever I look at you, I just cant explain why I feel this way –” By now, the psychiatrists arms were flailing around in the air as he tried to express himself as best he could, eyebrows raised and eyes not once stopping on one object until he couldn’t help but breathe out the words that were always on the tip of his tongue around his patient. _“I love you.”_

The words released a heavy weight that had burdened Frank’s shoulders for months and for once he felt like he could breathe. Gerard couldn’t help but smile at the words, heart fluttering because for the first time he just knew that those three words were not just being spewed out for the fun of it. Frank meant those words. His inner self didn’t seem as calm as he appeared on the outside though, his stomach doing what felt like back flips while his heart was singing out – 

“I love you, too, Frank. So much,” Gerard whispered out, watching as Frank’s forest eyes seemed to sparkle. 

The words were so soft yet so certain that it made the psychiatrist surge forward, feeling his patient’s lips on his own. It felt so perfect, having their lips touch in such an intimate way even if it was just a peck; just a slight touch was enough to make them feel like they were floating amongst the clouds while their own tears of joy kept them grounded.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoyed! Again, if you need anyone to talk to or to just have someone listen, hmu.  
(p.s. I have decided to just release my oneshots separately rather than have it a series because I'm a dumb motherfucker that is confused as fuck when it comes to Ao3)


End file.
